Last night I almost cried to sleep. Almost. I think I am experiencing either the SSS or I think the 20-year-old-crisis. It is hard to relate with it since only I understand what I mean. I am not going to spill all the details. I will live it as it is. My life is a garden of sunflowers after all!!! Ciao.

First day of Punk

Today was the last time I could ever smell the rainy scent of June welcoming me to a new school year. FYI, I am a struggling senior student nurse in this institution called USLS which stands for University of Saint La Salle. Do you know that up to this moment I still can't believe I am a Lasallian or a Lasallite? Not that I think high of being a "green" but it is actually I'd rather be a maroon, blue or anything else except green for that matter, but I learned to love it. Na develop na rin ako kay Saint John..hehe. I looked around my school as I was hurrying my way to my first class and I saw there were lots of students, freshmen mostly. I was used to our extension campus wherein almost everybody knows everybody because way back in my level 3 year only the cluster 1 (4 sections) of the level 3 people and cluster 2 (4 sections) of the level 4 are only there. Now that I am on my last year we were moved back to the main campus because of some reasons that the level 3 class for this school year are of 16 sections. Anyways, I still remember my "froshie" year. We were always going out with my classmates in a flock or in herd (whichever applies). We will go to the foodcourt, library, cafeteria, outside the campus and anywhere as long as we stick together. We would get excited on seeing previous classmates in the highschool aroud the campus and we would exchange our first day in school experiences. It was like yesterday, really! I never thought I could ever say that line so allow me to say it again. It was only like yesterday! Hell yea, allow me to say it for the third time... IT WAS ONLY LIKE YESTERDAY!!!! Ok, too much for that. I smiled around seeing these "froshies". I was once like them. Much carefree, too excited and such a kid! I remember that you know you've already grown up when you get to say this "Look at them! A bunch of idots!" You say this everytime you see "kids" partying hard or just making tambay in the campus. Now I could hear myself almost say that. HAHA. Still can't believe it!

I know I will miss my alma mater. It is stille arly to be touchy about it but time is running fast.. (to be continued)

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"You have to change with the times and leave the past where it should be."
LUCKY FORTUNE 10 17 22 30 35 42

Minutes ago I was opening the back case of my mobile phone so that I could change my sim from one network to another (you know what I mean). I saw this finger-long paper folded into three pieces used to tighten the back case of my phone so that I wouldn't be humiliated when I am texting in public because suddenly my phone will fall into three pieces.

Since the paper was a bit torn it took me a while to read the message on it. I also remember how I got that paper. I got it from a pseudo-fortune cookie in a local fastfood chain few months ago. I never had ponder on that quote so I think it's time and I would share it with you (don't you feel so lucky?)



How many of us can't move a step forward because we choose to cling with the past? We choose to become stagnant because of that choice that we cannot divorce ourselves from our past, specifically a bitter past. If not all, most of us had atleast a past we could qualify as a bitter one or anything close to it. I cannot enumerate everything that would qualify as a bitter past because it is too subjective. All I know (and what my foetune cookie says so) there is a moment in our life where we should leave the past where it should be and have to change with times. I know it would take ample time and a lot of courage especially when in your past you are deeply hurt that you feel like it is the end of the world. To think of it this world has no end. It is always you who choose to put an end to it. It is you who choose to gave up on your dreams and do nothing instead because of that past. I know that what we are now is because of how are past molded us. Here is a very story I want to share with you. I forgot how I got it but here it is.

A man I will name here as Tata Selo have two sons that I will name Juan and Pedro. Tata Selo has a lot of vices. He's a drunkard and a gambler, in short a good for nothing father. Anyways, Juan and Pedro managed to grow up. Today, Juan is a very loving and responsible father to his kids. On the other hand Pedro is a drunkard, gambler and often hits his wife and kids. At two different places Juan and Pedro were asked on how they turn out to be the man that they are today. The answer was "If you could have a father like mine, you would know the reason why I turned out to be this man that I am now." And this is the answers of both Juan and Pedro.

I will leave to you the significance of that story to what i am talking here. See, we always have a choice. We may not have the best choice at all times but I am sure there is always another chance that we would make us decide more intelligently, because we learned from the past. See, our past is very important. It is where our heart is. May it be a bitter past or a sweet past. I know it's hard to move out from a past. It's like a hang over or even worst. It affects our character, our being, our individuality. But since change is consatnt ih this world, we need to rise up and continue this journey of ours. There is no U-turns but you can always look back and do a sig and say, "(Fill in the blanks here.)"

Don't you think I sound so Chicken Soup For The Soul? Well, on my Lucky fortune, I just hope it won't go out be the results on the next draw. Aaarghhh.

A mOOd LiFteR...perhaps?

I do not fell the least ok right now. i need sometthing to lift my mood. Today, I was mostly quiet and busy doin nthing. Ok, not really "nothing". I'm still on my way to finish the "Stainless Longganisa" by Bob Ong. I had two bowls of Lomi (the easy cook variety). As of this moment I am still fighting the urge to have coffee. I feel like I'm febrile. I feel so sick. OMG... what is this?
Ok, here is something that I hope would perk me up.... nah... on the second thought why won't i buy an ice cream. yum.yum. I so heart, heart ice cream! and chocolates. Ok I will be back soon and I will post some pics of my icecream... I am so excited now. Weeh.

A Piece of Drama before I say *nytnyt..slepptyt*

I can feel noodle strands ascending my esophagus. I think I am going to have a sore throat from all the yells I had before dinner. I didn't had shower tonight and I couldn't even lift a finger..or maybe. I feel insanely weird. I can smell spam and eggs in this ungodly hour of the day (why?). My lips are dry and I am having a hint that I am lacking water in my system. I suddenly don't feel that I am not the funny person I used to be. I think I will never ever laugh again.. Never. As you can see in my previous post I have said that I want to fall into pieces. Righ now I want to curl into a ball and then the grounds will break and swallow me after. My existence will be obselete. I will be forgotten, as if I never walked into earth. Arrrgghh... I do not want to be a manic depressive. I do not (yet) want to lose my sanity. I don not want to be in a mental rehab center. I do not want you to use this as a proof that I once possess signs and symptoms of a will-be-insane-person.


I hate drama in my life. I hate the bitternes of my life. I hate it's cruelty that I wan to get even. Right now I have a throbbing headache. I can't sleep (as always). I think I already had fall into pieces that now it's time to pick up this pieces that of me..

1. My Mind-- it's still ok, I guess
2. My heart-- severely damaged... I need a cardiologist
3. My spine-- OMG, I can still feel.. i still can!
4. My feet-- I can't walk a mile longer knowing at th end of the road it is still me
5. My hands-- What use can they give me now? But hey,they are still mine
6. ... I don't know, I lost a lot of of pieces of me... Help me search for them. THANK YOU.


*I still have this throbbing headache, my contact lens are all dried up.. I have no choice but to sleep or to sleep. *
Well, nyt nyt...sleep tyt...

the poor writer is me..

To write. That is one thing I think of when I am inside the bus and just cannot sleep, when I am in fastffod chain waiting in line, when I'm bored with my teacher's lecture,before I fall ino deep slumber and when... I always wanted to write. I wanted to write but I have a lot of frustrations.

...BeCausE...

I feel like I want to fall into pieces right now. I want to pick each piece of me and put them together once again. I just wabted to because I need to kill time. I don't want to think about the oppurtunities I missed because I was so damn busy doing nothing. Yes, I am always busy doing nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I don't know if I made a mess out of doing nothing. Maybe I did, it's just I am still in denial. Not that I am boasting but I know I am made of something else special (well, everyone is) but I was too preoccupied with the thought of being too special that I forgot that I could be worn out anytime soon. I could be a scrap. I am a scrap.
I don't know how to put this into details that you may have the slightest idea of how I feel so weird right now. I do not need sympathy. I need ears. I just want you to know that I had let oppurtunities passed by. I closed doors to their knocks. i became deaf to their calls. Now that I want them back, it seems like I'm chasing the wind. Is it too late? Will you tell me it is not yet too late? Will you?
D.R.E.A.M.S.???
I got a handful of them. You see I sleep a lot that I have a handful of them already. There were even a lot of moments that there was no wall that separates me from my dreams to the reality. It is not because that my reality is a living dream but because my dreams became too stagnant that it became my reality. My dreams did not move. They just became dreams. Dreams because once I open up my eyes I know that I already don't have them. My dreams cannot be put intoreality because I choose to and I do regret. yes, I regret that is why I want to fall into pieces. Right Now. NOW!!!