Great! Guess what happened... Ah, I'm leaving it for you to guess but here's an excerpt from a draft I made in my Multiply account....
"If there is anybody out there who knows the complexity of a middle child, it should be me. Sad to say, I am a middle child and it is something I lived as a struggle of both pain and happiness for twenty years now. I have two sisters. They are two opposing poles, the north and the south. I am their equator. It is never easy handling them both because I act as a younger sister to the other one and an elder sister to the other, thus the middle child complexity happens. To my parents, they see me as the independent one. Someone capable of making her own fucking decisions in life that they sometimes forgot I need them to back me up (even in just choosing a fucking pink top for my pseudo job interview.) I can go out and party all night and they can worry the least of me becasue they know I am fucking capable of finding my way home in the dawn safe and sound .They knew I will never get drunk. they knew I will not do anything so stupid ithat will ruin my damn life. Yes, they knew...or maybe they know nothing at all..."

so BOOORRRINg, you won't dare read this!

And so it is Sunday. I forgot to play worship songs by the time I woke up this morning. Grrrr.. I have all my "things-to-do" in my mind for today. .....do the laundry, take off the scrap in my room, change the sheets, do my English project... I want this day to be productive so I have to move my obese ass off the bad and keep moving. I am almost done with the laundry which is like 10 tons heavy! can you imagine that? My wonderful family members even left me home alone. Talking about a modern day Cinderella story... Hey, I don't want to be Cinderella. Since I was a kid I always wanted the roles of the evil step sisters and Cruella Da Ville. Now, I'm loving Lavinia's role in Bituing Walang Ningning, too bad it has to end. (As if I religiously watch that series) So here I am, drinking another mug of cold coffee and is trying to figure if it's really a creamer or flour that I put in a while ago. It sill makes the coffee creamier, atleast. My mind is blank now. I have to end this and once again drive my as off this not so comfy seat and finish that damn 10 tons of laundry. The wicked family members will be home anytime soon....

faces of WRATH

Picture taken from Meg's place, i feel anorexic here (haha)
At the backstage of La Salle's coli jsut after the FIX night
Trying to figure whos upstairs....
I am dissecting a frog here.
fast asleeep.

seize

I have long overdue posts that I already forgot. I always try to make a point to post something new here every weekend but always fail to. Hay, buhay... always busy.

"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves and then we have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos." - Snoopy

Goodbye is a bitter word for almost evryone. We hate to say this but we can't live life long without our share of saying this. I hate goodbyes. I never liked them,

101 on 1001

Together with Lyden, Jade and Shara we decided to make a list of our 101 things to do in 1001 days. I originally saw it on a blog of a woman residing somewhere in America. I had a thought that it might be fun at the same time will give me contentment. So I have that idea to share it with the three other girls. It is even funny because we four decided to somewhat follow the four bitchy characters of the tv series The Sex And the City namely Miranda, Carrie, Samantha and Charlotte. We call ourselves girls of The Sex And The City And The Beautiful. I am still on my way to the 80 plus of my list but it is not final yet since I want that most of the 101 things do not involve a great amount of money to spend or none at all. I admit it is really difficult because just even to hand a dozen of balloons to a dozen of kids I will meet on the streets will cost an average of a hundred pesos. Hmm..maybe I should not think of the money I will spend rather I will dwell on the after-feeling that I will get so does this mean I won’t have to cross out my regular pedicures and manicures? Will it my list should be less of a self pampering because I should share happiness with everyone else. I have to be less grumpy and be more of a happy person. That’s it!

SOME THING

The hand-me-down Timex wristwatch broke off almost a 2 months ago.I was in our school bus when I have to stand up and it's screw ( that thing that you touch to set time popped off because it got caught on the seat...) I need a new wristwatch. I don't really like it very much since it's only a hand-me-down, itw as ot my kind of taste. It's sophisticated alright, but I find it so plain. I Bought a new one and a cheap one. Less than a hundred and fifity pesos. Great because it's only 5% of the price of the previous watch. But I love it. It's like more of a statement than being a watch. I had it at the amll. I will post a pic tomorrow. By the way, it was Le Nette's capping and candle lighting ceremony yesterday. I'll post some pics tomorrow night.
P.S. Jade, Lyden , Shara and I made this list f 101 things to do in 1001 days. Cool. I will post it tomorrow. By the way i got to accopliched one of teh hundred and one ewhich is to try a local restaurant (about ten). I had dinner with JAde at a local Chinese diner> i will post pics tom. I have to move fast. I have to read. mwah. This was a long day.

Is it me

I need to be depressed because it feeds my soul. I need to be introverted. I need to be bitter to have emotions on how it is to grief and to feel sorrow. I need to. It is a choice. I am happily depressed.

A PIECE OF MY WRATH

(Enter all the curses and bad words you know here).
I am almost dead. I hate everything. I hate my shampoo for giving me this itch in my head. I hate the internet provider for being fuckingly slow. (Shello wishes “they” will have a slow death). I hate my post its. I have a gazillion of my to-do-list there and it’s nowhere to be find. I hate it because I think I lost the book. I hate my self-diagnosed selective memory loss. I fucking hate myself because I always wanted to be a writer even I am of no good at it. I fuckingly hate it because I do not know what to do with it now. I fuckingly hate this blog because it is so crappy. I fuckingly hate everything tonight. I have all my fucking hate emotions bottled inside me. I am not going to explode yet and I fuckingly hate it.

DEEP SHIT THINKING

Lahat ay langaw. Pangit. Marumi. Nakakadiri. Langaw na gusto ng walang kataposang ta-e.
May mga langaw nakatikim lang ng karampot na ta-e akala nya hari na siya.
Ang langaw ay langaw pa rin kahit ito ay nakahiga sa sankatutak na ta-e. Wala silang pinag ka iba sa langaw na hindi pa nakatikim ng ta-e.

Kabiganin nyo na lang ang langaw na nag papasabog ng ta-e sa kapwa niyang mga langaw. Siya ay mapag bigay. Tularan ang nasabing lanagaw.

NOTE TO SELF

NOTE TO SELF: All men are idiots and I'm going to marry their king.

School Girl's Bag Contents

A typical friday. I had 5 hours of sleep (2am-7am) and it felt like eternity ( I had 2 hours of sleep every night for the past nights) . I was rushing all the way to school this morning just to arrive atleast 7:45 am. Gawd, I was not late, thank you. I was not able to eat my breakfast, the only meal I will not always dare to skip if I will wake up before 2 PM. Another boring lecture from the same instructor who once said in class, "Have you tried cremasteric reflex with your boyfriend, class? I once did it with a boyfriend of mine." As if a single soul inside the classroom cares. As usual I did not take down notes although I know we are going to have a post quiz. I hate to mention this but my instructor said "When I went to the international world.."
Ha? Where the hell is that?

Break time. Everybody's favorite. I had my brunch at the school's foodcourt with Lyden (BB-Boobs and Butt sis) and Jade. I had this usual viand and rice. I had the Pork with monggo (which triggered my allergies after) and I have to do extra with the carbs so I had Sotanghon with veggies. It is like pasta, just incase you are too ignorant. BB had some of it and I am always glad to share it with her so I can share some unwanted bulges of fats as well.


I am still on the "sick mode". Runny nose, persisitent coughing and a big plus to the green mucus that resides inside my nose. Would you believe that yesterday I bought one roll of tissue paper (toilet one, ayt?) and it was not even enough for me to sneeze on? Sheeeks. I sneezed about a gazillion times yesterday.

I feel depressed now. Haha. This had been my favorite line for the longest time now. I just feel so low. By the way just before hitting home I was at the mall with 3 of my thesis mates conducting research for women undergoing menopause. It was so gutsy of me as if I know everything about our research. I sound so polite.

"Excuse me, ma'am. We are 4th year Nursing students of La Salle and we are conducting a research on women undergoing menopause. If it is not too much to ask from you ma'am can you be one of our respondents for our survey questions? By the way here is our letter.. (hands letter). "
"You are rest assured that all the personal information will be treated confidential. This will be greatly help us ma'am."

Crap. I sound and looked like a phony.

Oh so, where is the connection of my post to the entry title?

Here is my bag (actually Jez's--credit her please). A bright pink Giordano cardigans. I just held the bag upside down so the contents will fall. Took a pic and here it is.

Contents: ( just try to figure which one I am referring)

1. Lip gloss palette by Penshoppe
2. Long wearing pressed powder by Maybelline (courtesy of my sissy WIng)
3. two masks (for the Operating Room and for the ward)
4. disposable caps (for the Operating room that I got from my sis' bag)
5. More Lighter but the brand is Cricket (well just incase there will be a blackout) :)
6. Pink pouch(which is supposed to be a cellphone's pouch..can you some patski?)
7. toothbrush (I always carry it with me although I don't really brush my teeth outside home)
8. CHN shirt that Jela borrowed a couple of weeks ago
9. My RLE handbook (guard it with your life..hehe)
10. a fan (I got it from Jed, the guy who man the net cafe down the road that I like to pester)
11. clips
12. hairpins
13. broken zipper (from another bag)
14. Checklist of things to do. I havea gazillion of them elsewhere.
15. a hanky full of mucus. :)
16. My id in yearbook (hey, where's my school id?!)
17..umm..what else... dirt bag...

PUMPS

I feel so lucky upon hearing from Nang Allen, (right hand of grand aunt Theodora/Dors) that there are lotsa pairs of pumps inside the cabinet in Lola's house. It was formerly my Auntie Rosie's and probably my other aunts' collection during their bachelorette days. Last April I had the chance to see the the shoes. I was so excited going throughg the dusty cabinet (and it made me sneeze more tahn ten times, grr! allergic rhinitis! ) They are well kept in their boxes. (My Lola Dors is really good in keeping things intact) There were about 30 pairs I guess. I suddenly feel so rich! I feel like I am Imelda Marcos. I am so rich of shoes! My gawd. I feel so lucky. Imagine, pumps are expensive nowadays and right infront of my eyes are 30 pairs of it. They all come in diiferent styles and colors. Hot pink, yellow, studded black and those I did nt mention. My shoe size is 8. Here is the funny part. The size of the shoes are atleast 6 and a half and 7 the most. Not even Lorwin's feet can get into it and don't wish for Le Nette's, she has 9 as her shoe size. Hay, sometimes, you are not that very lucky. You think you are but then you are not. *sigh*

Here are some of the pairs by the way. I took this pic at my granny's place. I have the twenty pairs with me now (bedroom). I used it for my yearbook pictorial. I was surrounded by shoes. :)

I miss doing this--- CRYING

Snap. I will cry. Tears will slowly stung in my cheeks. It is easy as 1, 2, 3, but that was many years ago. I will cry over a toothache, a sweet smelling stationery lost in my box, a candy bar dropped on the floor, a good scolding from my parents, a sibling pulled my hair, a seatmate calling me names, a missed homework, movie "Land Before Time", a scraped knee, an ugly dress for Christmas party, an unwanted toy, a bully snatched my lunch, a failed quiz, a missed palce in the contest, ... There is always a reason to cry. But I was a kid then. I was below the age of 10 or maybe 7. Now, I am 20. I am bitter. I know I should not cry and if ever I have to the world does not have to know. I should not cry because the world may think I am weak, it may think I am so sensetive of my feelings, it may think I am an emotional crap. I am tough.. the world has to know that. I can endure the pain that he is giving me. But, that is what I thought. I think I am wrong.

It is nice to know that despite being so tough, I am still human and human that I am, it is always ok to cry. I wish I can cry. I miss the bitter taste of tears staining my face.

It's been along time since... Don't you think. Oh yes, I miss you. Of course!

The world was so cruel that it did not gave me all the time in this world so I can update you. Yeah, you missed a lot baby. I hate to say that as much I hate to get into details what were those things you missed.

I am soo happy right now although there is a thousand reasons not to be. But I embrace life. I celebrate it. :) See, I am less angst driven lately. It's kinda tiring to frown more and more each day.

I feel like a cast of "the Sound Of Music". Singing the "sixteen Going Seventeen" and yet I really am a 60 something old missy with curly short hair. Haha. I want to dance. Whatever it is. I just want to do some tapping of my feet. :)

dominggo

Last night or should I say early this mornig I fell asleep on my tummy. I was not sure if it was way past two already. I drank cold coffee so I could finish reading the hard copy of "Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas". I was clueless and the next thing I know it was almost eight in the morning. I browsed my cellphone to read the usual good morning text messages from the early birds. Well, I have to hit the sack still for atleast 15 minutes. Suddenly, images of work waiting for me plays on my mind. Oh my gasolina I have to move now, I told my self. uh-oh not until it was ten a.m.

The usual coffee minus the Sunday papers. I remember Joyann teasing me on cooffee shops how funny I look when I read papers on coffee shops. I make no difference with those fifty something guys whose eyes can't take off from the papers, not even when the brew is too hot.

Hay... I really have to wish that I have all the time in the world that I could learn French some time. my stomach hurts still because I was so engrossed on that cheessy e-book Daneca lend me. Yes, it was so cheesy. I borrowed it for weekend by the way. Just to kill time (as if). I don't like anything so cheesy but the hopelessly romantic in me can't help. Oh well. I am not that so angst driven girl, you know!

It was raining a lot these days. Prettyy depressing. I can't find my red sweats with a "REBEL" print. i wear it a lot on rainy days even sometimes it smells so puppy-ish. It makes me feel warm and naked at the same time. Hehe. I haven't showered myself yet. Sometimes all you want to do on a rainy weekend is satay on bed 'til forever. Lazy bones!

Shrimps were served for lunch today (together with the monggo soup and shrimp paste or "bago-ong"). I haven't tasted an inch f the shrimp. I asked my younger sisiter and my mom to remove the shells for me but they gave me a big "no". Poor me, I can't help but just stare. I hate it when shrimps, crabs and lobsters are served with their shells still on (which is the usual picture). I have to ask a good soul to remove it for me or do a "ipang himay".

Oh my gasolina when worse comes to worst and if I have to marry someday it should be a must that the future husband is forever willing remove the shells of crabs, shrimps and lobsters for me for the rest of my life.

When I was in my elementary years I was an active member of the The Book Club. During my 6th grade, I remembered watching Wizard of Oz in the library. (one of the perks of being in the said club..) I hardly rememeber the whole movie but a week ago Mavi forwarded me a liner from the said movie.
<-----
I so, so *heart* it.

My Soul Is Pink With Occasional Ink Blots

Time check- it's a way past twelve in the midnight. (I just stomped hard my mouse twice by the way because it just won't f*cking cooperate with me.) And dad just passed by to tell me I should be tucked in bed as of this time. My dad id cool with having an insomniac daughter. Actually I don't know if he has the idea. I just can't be in bed and count sheeps to sleep.
I have to tell you something. My soul is pink and I think I have to swear on that. I know it's not typical because we always associate souls with ghosts that come in see-through get up or whatever it is as long as they are transparent or invisible. My soul is colored hot pink, to be more specific. But just like a favorite white cotton shirt it get stained at some point. Mine is beautifully stained--with ink blots. I am not planning to wash it off because it makes my pink soul fabulous. :) That is not the right adjective I guess. Let's put it this way--It's just same as what stains of chocolates, ketchup, mud and colored pens does to a once white shirt of a 5 year old boy who is now miles away from her mother. See that? Something sooo emotional. Bla..bla..bla...


I did not notice this week was a swift one. I woke up it's Sunday and now I'll be sleeping and when I'll wake up it'll be another Sunday.
Last Sunday was dad's birthday. I think he's 55 now. We had pizzas, some fruit shakes and blueberry cheese cake. Last Thursday was Le Nette's. She is 19 now. We had a family dinner at home. Last Wedenesday I did not attend my English class. I feel so stupid to attend it that i have to stay in ed. Thursday came and I get so restless by 2:30 in the afternoon that I told my instructor I have to go home because I cannot endure my stomache pain (a big lie). Minutes later I was found sipping coffee with Joyann at the mall and later on watched a movie. Friday came and I went home ahead of the others. You know I am too depressed to go to school. Hey, did you know that Jenn joined in their school's Miss Nursing? That bitch! Roslyn and I was there. We were lucky enough because we don't have to stay long inside the oven-like gym because Jenn did not made it to the final three. She was asked this question: Describe ypurself in one adjective. That bitch said "I'm hoooot.". the other contestants appeared so smart (ehem) that they even had the chance to explain some of the theories why man evolved, the story behind Sputnik, the history of India and it's foefathers, Columbus real intentions and things that ypu know you did not care to know. By the way, I really can't f*cking forgot how dark the knees of the winner was or is. All I know is that it's really dark. Madame, if you have the chance to read this entry please be notified. It is not taht I am being biased. Of course you are lovely and all. You are made of anything fragile but maybe it could help if you could atleat lighten your knees when you join beauty and brain or even jsut beauty pageants. I heard you explained something about the evolution of Nursing during the q&a portion or something like that. But have you ever heard of Maybelline, Revlon, Nars, L'Oreal and Shiseido and alike? If not, I want to tell you that they have their names over amazing concealer that will do a trick or two on covering the uneven color of your skin. Of course, I should know. My axilllas are dark. Bwahahah.

An Angel With Horns

She sats on one of those seats on the last row of her classsroom.
She chews the same gum she had for lunch.
Her sleepy head rests on the wall.
Her short battered fingernails painted with rose red.
She sheepishly taps her fingers on her desk--as if they were drumsticks.
Her mind is in twists and whirls.
Smell of brewed coffee she thought she smelled.
She stared at her professor talking what embolism is, but actualy she does not care.
She twirls her dark brown hair, rolled her eyeballs and smacked her lips....
She exclaimed, "Oh, I think I have to put a period on this..."
And she did.

got nothing to post

ay na post yung isa...


anyhuhuhu... ahemm... I'm here at our school now. Overnight. You know. Basta, you know. haaay.
Got nothing topost here really because nothing exiting happened. Let me think or a while.

REALIZATIONS I HAD TODAY:

1. I think I will never leave without a tweezer. I pluck my eyebrows (although it is kinda thin.) I pluck my ingrown hairs on my legs and on my axilla. I like plucking other peopl'es hair too.

2. I think I love eggplant more tham I love green tomatoes.

3. When I say I really have nothing to post, I really don't mean it.