Great! Guess what happened... Ah, I'm leaving it for you to guess but here's an excerpt from a draft I made in my Multiply account....
"If there is anybody out there who knows the complexity of a middle child, it should be me. Sad to say, I am a middle child and it is something I lived as a struggle of both pain and happiness for twenty years now. I have two sisters. They are two opposing poles, the north and the south. I am their equator. It is never easy handling them both because I act as a younger sister to the other one and an elder sister to the other, thus the middle child complexity happens. To my parents, they see me as the independent one. Someone capable of making her own fucking decisions in life that they sometimes forgot I need them to back me up (even in just choosing a fucking pink top for my pseudo job interview.) I can go out and party all night and they can worry the least of me becasue they know I am fucking capable of finding my way home in the dawn safe and sound .They knew I will never get drunk. they knew I will not do anything so stupid ithat will ruin my damn life. Yes, they knew...or maybe they know nothing at all..."

so BOOORRRINg, you won't dare read this!

And so it is Sunday. I forgot to play worship songs by the time I woke up this morning. Grrrr.. I have all my "things-to-do" in my mind for today. .....do the laundry, take off the scrap in my room, change the sheets, do my English project... I want this day to be productive so I have to move my obese ass off the bad and keep moving. I am almost done with the laundry which is like 10 tons heavy! can you imagine that? My wonderful family members even left me home alone. Talking about a modern day Cinderella story... Hey, I don't want to be Cinderella. Since I was a kid I always wanted the roles of the evil step sisters and Cruella Da Ville. Now, I'm loving Lavinia's role in Bituing Walang Ningning, too bad it has to end. (As if I religiously watch that series) So here I am, drinking another mug of cold coffee and is trying to figure if it's really a creamer or flour that I put in a while ago. It sill makes the coffee creamier, atleast. My mind is blank now. I have to end this and once again drive my as off this not so comfy seat and finish that damn 10 tons of laundry. The wicked family members will be home anytime soon....

faces of WRATH

Picture taken from Meg's place, i feel anorexic here (haha)
At the backstage of La Salle's coli jsut after the FIX night
Trying to figure whos upstairs....
I am dissecting a frog here.
fast asleeep.

seize

I have long overdue posts that I already forgot. I always try to make a point to post something new here every weekend but always fail to. Hay, buhay... always busy.

"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves and then we have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos." - Snoopy

Goodbye is a bitter word for almost evryone. We hate to say this but we can't live life long without our share of saying this. I hate goodbyes. I never liked them,

101 on 1001

Together with Lyden, Jade and Shara we decided to make a list of our 101 things to do in 1001 days. I originally saw it on a blog of a woman residing somewhere in America. I had a thought that it might be fun at the same time will give me contentment. So I have that idea to share it with the three other girls. It is even funny because we four decided to somewhat follow the four bitchy characters of the tv series The Sex And the City namely Miranda, Carrie, Samantha and Charlotte. We call ourselves girls of The Sex And The City And The Beautiful. I am still on my way to the 80 plus of my list but it is not final yet since I want that most of the 101 things do not involve a great amount of money to spend or none at all. I admit it is really difficult because just even to hand a dozen of balloons to a dozen of kids I will meet on the streets will cost an average of a hundred pesos. Hmm..maybe I should not think of the money I will spend rather I will dwell on the after-feeling that I will get so does this mean I won’t have to cross out my regular pedicures and manicures? Will it my list should be less of a self pampering because I should share happiness with everyone else. I have to be less grumpy and be more of a happy person. That’s it!

SOME THING

The hand-me-down Timex wristwatch broke off almost a 2 months ago.I was in our school bus when I have to stand up and it's screw ( that thing that you touch to set time popped off because it got caught on the seat...) I need a new wristwatch. I don't really like it very much since it's only a hand-me-down, itw as ot my kind of taste. It's sophisticated alright, but I find it so plain. I Bought a new one and a cheap one. Less than a hundred and fifity pesos. Great because it's only 5% of the price of the previous watch. But I love it. It's like more of a statement than being a watch. I had it at the amll. I will post a pic tomorrow. By the way, it was Le Nette's capping and candle lighting ceremony yesterday. I'll post some pics tomorrow night.
P.S. Jade, Lyden , Shara and I made this list f 101 things to do in 1001 days. Cool. I will post it tomorrow. By the way i got to accopliched one of teh hundred and one ewhich is to try a local restaurant (about ten). I had dinner with JAde at a local Chinese diner> i will post pics tom. I have to move fast. I have to read. mwah. This was a long day.

Is it me

I need to be depressed because it feeds my soul. I need to be introverted. I need to be bitter to have emotions on how it is to grief and to feel sorrow. I need to. It is a choice. I am happily depressed.

A PIECE OF MY WRATH

(Enter all the curses and bad words you know here).
I am almost dead. I hate everything. I hate my shampoo for giving me this itch in my head. I hate the internet provider for being fuckingly slow. (Shello wishes “they” will have a slow death). I hate my post its. I have a gazillion of my to-do-list there and it’s nowhere to be find. I hate it because I think I lost the book. I hate my self-diagnosed selective memory loss. I fucking hate myself because I always wanted to be a writer even I am of no good at it. I fuckingly hate it because I do not know what to do with it now. I fuckingly hate this blog because it is so crappy. I fuckingly hate everything tonight. I have all my fucking hate emotions bottled inside me. I am not going to explode yet and I fuckingly hate it.

DEEP SHIT THINKING

Lahat ay langaw. Pangit. Marumi. Nakakadiri. Langaw na gusto ng walang kataposang ta-e.
May mga langaw nakatikim lang ng karampot na ta-e akala nya hari na siya.
Ang langaw ay langaw pa rin kahit ito ay nakahiga sa sankatutak na ta-e. Wala silang pinag ka iba sa langaw na hindi pa nakatikim ng ta-e.

Kabiganin nyo na lang ang langaw na nag papasabog ng ta-e sa kapwa niyang mga langaw. Siya ay mapag bigay. Tularan ang nasabing lanagaw.

NOTE TO SELF

NOTE TO SELF: All men are idiots and I'm going to marry their king.

School Girl's Bag Contents

A typical friday. I had 5 hours of sleep (2am-7am) and it felt like eternity ( I had 2 hours of sleep every night for the past nights) . I was rushing all the way to school this morning just to arrive atleast 7:45 am. Gawd, I was not late, thank you. I was not able to eat my breakfast, the only meal I will not always dare to skip if I will wake up before 2 PM. Another boring lecture from the same instructor who once said in class, "Have you tried cremasteric reflex with your boyfriend, class? I once did it with a boyfriend of mine." As if a single soul inside the classroom cares. As usual I did not take down notes although I know we are going to have a post quiz. I hate to mention this but my instructor said "When I went to the international world.."
Ha? Where the hell is that?

Break time. Everybody's favorite. I had my brunch at the school's foodcourt with Lyden (BB-Boobs and Butt sis) and Jade. I had this usual viand and rice. I had the Pork with monggo (which triggered my allergies after) and I have to do extra with the carbs so I had Sotanghon with veggies. It is like pasta, just incase you are too ignorant. BB had some of it and I am always glad to share it with her so I can share some unwanted bulges of fats as well.


I am still on the "sick mode". Runny nose, persisitent coughing and a big plus to the green mucus that resides inside my nose. Would you believe that yesterday I bought one roll of tissue paper (toilet one, ayt?) and it was not even enough for me to sneeze on? Sheeeks. I sneezed about a gazillion times yesterday.

I feel depressed now. Haha. This had been my favorite line for the longest time now. I just feel so low. By the way just before hitting home I was at the mall with 3 of my thesis mates conducting research for women undergoing menopause. It was so gutsy of me as if I know everything about our research. I sound so polite.

"Excuse me, ma'am. We are 4th year Nursing students of La Salle and we are conducting a research on women undergoing menopause. If it is not too much to ask from you ma'am can you be one of our respondents for our survey questions? By the way here is our letter.. (hands letter). "
"You are rest assured that all the personal information will be treated confidential. This will be greatly help us ma'am."

Crap. I sound and looked like a phony.

Oh so, where is the connection of my post to the entry title?

Here is my bag (actually Jez's--credit her please). A bright pink Giordano cardigans. I just held the bag upside down so the contents will fall. Took a pic and here it is.

Contents: ( just try to figure which one I am referring)

1. Lip gloss palette by Penshoppe
2. Long wearing pressed powder by Maybelline (courtesy of my sissy WIng)
3. two masks (for the Operating Room and for the ward)
4. disposable caps (for the Operating room that I got from my sis' bag)
5. More Lighter but the brand is Cricket (well just incase there will be a blackout) :)
6. Pink pouch(which is supposed to be a cellphone's pouch..can you some patski?)
7. toothbrush (I always carry it with me although I don't really brush my teeth outside home)
8. CHN shirt that Jela borrowed a couple of weeks ago
9. My RLE handbook (guard it with your life..hehe)
10. a fan (I got it from Jed, the guy who man the net cafe down the road that I like to pester)
11. clips
12. hairpins
13. broken zipper (from another bag)
14. Checklist of things to do. I havea gazillion of them elsewhere.
15. a hanky full of mucus. :)
16. My id in yearbook (hey, where's my school id?!)
17..umm..what else... dirt bag...

PUMPS

I feel so lucky upon hearing from Nang Allen, (right hand of grand aunt Theodora/Dors) that there are lotsa pairs of pumps inside the cabinet in Lola's house. It was formerly my Auntie Rosie's and probably my other aunts' collection during their bachelorette days. Last April I had the chance to see the the shoes. I was so excited going throughg the dusty cabinet (and it made me sneeze more tahn ten times, grr! allergic rhinitis! ) They are well kept in their boxes. (My Lola Dors is really good in keeping things intact) There were about 30 pairs I guess. I suddenly feel so rich! I feel like I am Imelda Marcos. I am so rich of shoes! My gawd. I feel so lucky. Imagine, pumps are expensive nowadays and right infront of my eyes are 30 pairs of it. They all come in diiferent styles and colors. Hot pink, yellow, studded black and those I did nt mention. My shoe size is 8. Here is the funny part. The size of the shoes are atleast 6 and a half and 7 the most. Not even Lorwin's feet can get into it and don't wish for Le Nette's, she has 9 as her shoe size. Hay, sometimes, you are not that very lucky. You think you are but then you are not. *sigh*

Here are some of the pairs by the way. I took this pic at my granny's place. I have the twenty pairs with me now (bedroom). I used it for my yearbook pictorial. I was surrounded by shoes. :)

I miss doing this--- CRYING

Snap. I will cry. Tears will slowly stung in my cheeks. It is easy as 1, 2, 3, but that was many years ago. I will cry over a toothache, a sweet smelling stationery lost in my box, a candy bar dropped on the floor, a good scolding from my parents, a sibling pulled my hair, a seatmate calling me names, a missed homework, movie "Land Before Time", a scraped knee, an ugly dress for Christmas party, an unwanted toy, a bully snatched my lunch, a failed quiz, a missed palce in the contest, ... There is always a reason to cry. But I was a kid then. I was below the age of 10 or maybe 7. Now, I am 20. I am bitter. I know I should not cry and if ever I have to the world does not have to know. I should not cry because the world may think I am weak, it may think I am so sensetive of my feelings, it may think I am an emotional crap. I am tough.. the world has to know that. I can endure the pain that he is giving me. But, that is what I thought. I think I am wrong.

It is nice to know that despite being so tough, I am still human and human that I am, it is always ok to cry. I wish I can cry. I miss the bitter taste of tears staining my face.

It's been along time since... Don't you think. Oh yes, I miss you. Of course!

The world was so cruel that it did not gave me all the time in this world so I can update you. Yeah, you missed a lot baby. I hate to say that as much I hate to get into details what were those things you missed.

I am soo happy right now although there is a thousand reasons not to be. But I embrace life. I celebrate it. :) See, I am less angst driven lately. It's kinda tiring to frown more and more each day.

I feel like a cast of "the Sound Of Music". Singing the "sixteen Going Seventeen" and yet I really am a 60 something old missy with curly short hair. Haha. I want to dance. Whatever it is. I just want to do some tapping of my feet. :)

dominggo

Last night or should I say early this mornig I fell asleep on my tummy. I was not sure if it was way past two already. I drank cold coffee so I could finish reading the hard copy of "Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas". I was clueless and the next thing I know it was almost eight in the morning. I browsed my cellphone to read the usual good morning text messages from the early birds. Well, I have to hit the sack still for atleast 15 minutes. Suddenly, images of work waiting for me plays on my mind. Oh my gasolina I have to move now, I told my self. uh-oh not until it was ten a.m.

The usual coffee minus the Sunday papers. I remember Joyann teasing me on cooffee shops how funny I look when I read papers on coffee shops. I make no difference with those fifty something guys whose eyes can't take off from the papers, not even when the brew is too hot.

Hay... I really have to wish that I have all the time in the world that I could learn French some time. my stomach hurts still because I was so engrossed on that cheessy e-book Daneca lend me. Yes, it was so cheesy. I borrowed it for weekend by the way. Just to kill time (as if). I don't like anything so cheesy but the hopelessly romantic in me can't help. Oh well. I am not that so angst driven girl, you know!

It was raining a lot these days. Prettyy depressing. I can't find my red sweats with a "REBEL" print. i wear it a lot on rainy days even sometimes it smells so puppy-ish. It makes me feel warm and naked at the same time. Hehe. I haven't showered myself yet. Sometimes all you want to do on a rainy weekend is satay on bed 'til forever. Lazy bones!

Shrimps were served for lunch today (together with the monggo soup and shrimp paste or "bago-ong"). I haven't tasted an inch f the shrimp. I asked my younger sisiter and my mom to remove the shells for me but they gave me a big "no". Poor me, I can't help but just stare. I hate it when shrimps, crabs and lobsters are served with their shells still on (which is the usual picture). I have to ask a good soul to remove it for me or do a "ipang himay".

Oh my gasolina when worse comes to worst and if I have to marry someday it should be a must that the future husband is forever willing remove the shells of crabs, shrimps and lobsters for me for the rest of my life.

When I was in my elementary years I was an active member of the The Book Club. During my 6th grade, I remembered watching Wizard of Oz in the library. (one of the perks of being in the said club..) I hardly rememeber the whole movie but a week ago Mavi forwarded me a liner from the said movie.
<-----
I so, so *heart* it.

My Soul Is Pink With Occasional Ink Blots

Time check- it's a way past twelve in the midnight. (I just stomped hard my mouse twice by the way because it just won't f*cking cooperate with me.) And dad just passed by to tell me I should be tucked in bed as of this time. My dad id cool with having an insomniac daughter. Actually I don't know if he has the idea. I just can't be in bed and count sheeps to sleep.
I have to tell you something. My soul is pink and I think I have to swear on that. I know it's not typical because we always associate souls with ghosts that come in see-through get up or whatever it is as long as they are transparent or invisible. My soul is colored hot pink, to be more specific. But just like a favorite white cotton shirt it get stained at some point. Mine is beautifully stained--with ink blots. I am not planning to wash it off because it makes my pink soul fabulous. :) That is not the right adjective I guess. Let's put it this way--It's just same as what stains of chocolates, ketchup, mud and colored pens does to a once white shirt of a 5 year old boy who is now miles away from her mother. See that? Something sooo emotional. Bla..bla..bla...


I did not notice this week was a swift one. I woke up it's Sunday and now I'll be sleeping and when I'll wake up it'll be another Sunday.
Last Sunday was dad's birthday. I think he's 55 now. We had pizzas, some fruit shakes and blueberry cheese cake. Last Thursday was Le Nette's. She is 19 now. We had a family dinner at home. Last Wedenesday I did not attend my English class. I feel so stupid to attend it that i have to stay in ed. Thursday came and I get so restless by 2:30 in the afternoon that I told my instructor I have to go home because I cannot endure my stomache pain (a big lie). Minutes later I was found sipping coffee with Joyann at the mall and later on watched a movie. Friday came and I went home ahead of the others. You know I am too depressed to go to school. Hey, did you know that Jenn joined in their school's Miss Nursing? That bitch! Roslyn and I was there. We were lucky enough because we don't have to stay long inside the oven-like gym because Jenn did not made it to the final three. She was asked this question: Describe ypurself in one adjective. That bitch said "I'm hoooot.". the other contestants appeared so smart (ehem) that they even had the chance to explain some of the theories why man evolved, the story behind Sputnik, the history of India and it's foefathers, Columbus real intentions and things that ypu know you did not care to know. By the way, I really can't f*cking forgot how dark the knees of the winner was or is. All I know is that it's really dark. Madame, if you have the chance to read this entry please be notified. It is not taht I am being biased. Of course you are lovely and all. You are made of anything fragile but maybe it could help if you could atleat lighten your knees when you join beauty and brain or even jsut beauty pageants. I heard you explained something about the evolution of Nursing during the q&a portion or something like that. But have you ever heard of Maybelline, Revlon, Nars, L'Oreal and Shiseido and alike? If not, I want to tell you that they have their names over amazing concealer that will do a trick or two on covering the uneven color of your skin. Of course, I should know. My axilllas are dark. Bwahahah.

An Angel With Horns

She sats on one of those seats on the last row of her classsroom.
She chews the same gum she had for lunch.
Her sleepy head rests on the wall.
Her short battered fingernails painted with rose red.
She sheepishly taps her fingers on her desk--as if they were drumsticks.
Her mind is in twists and whirls.
Smell of brewed coffee she thought she smelled.
She stared at her professor talking what embolism is, but actualy she does not care.
She twirls her dark brown hair, rolled her eyeballs and smacked her lips....
She exclaimed, "Oh, I think I have to put a period on this..."
And she did.

got nothing to post

ay na post yung isa...


anyhuhuhu... ahemm... I'm here at our school now. Overnight. You know. Basta, you know. haaay.
Got nothing topost here really because nothing exiting happened. Let me think or a while.

REALIZATIONS I HAD TODAY:

1. I think I will never leave without a tweezer. I pluck my eyebrows (although it is kinda thin.) I pluck my ingrown hairs on my legs and on my axilla. I like plucking other peopl'es hair too.

2. I think I love eggplant more tham I love green tomatoes.

3. When I say I really have nothing to post, I really don't mean it.

got nothing to post

it is my baby!!!

That is my baby Zanjoe. Haaaayyyy.....

another unproductive day

Picture ko yan. Opo, ako yan. Wala akong magawa buong araw kundi matulog, kumain mag computer at mag reklamo kung bakit ba wala akong magawang iba kundi matulog, kumain at mag reklamo. anyhuhuhu... nasa mood naman ako ma mag tunog kalye. ibig sabihin. mood for walng kwentang kwento at usapan. senseless. wala. basta yun...
exams ko nung isang araw at bukas. english6. hulaan mo!!!!
hula-an mo sabi eh...
wala akong notes.
thank you... applause. galing ko nu??? syempre naman. kaya panawagan sa mga kabataan ngayon.. . sundin nyo po ako at tiyak na ang inyong kinabukasan ay magiging maliwanag. promise!!! oh sige. tawag na ako ng mahal na reyna eh. hanggang sa susunod. paalam! (remind me of batibot.)

Friday spells heaven to me...

I dread Mondays especially if it's a school week. Hey, I am not here to talk about Mondays. Infact, I am here to ta;k about FRIDAY!!! Today is Friday and my energy is undeniably in its high level. I love Fridays! I am most energetic at this day but ironically, this is the day that I do least of work. Wahahahaha! I have all the time in the world! Let me see...

1. Can sing my lungs out in videoke. Never ending. Oh, I love videoke!!!
2. Hey... "order pa ta beer?"... "Sure pare... di lg patama..."
3. DVD marathons 'til I will fall into sleep
4. curl up with a good book of choice and not my thick Nursing books!
5. Update my blog!
6. text my friends 'til the wee hours (including "Austin")
7. finish my "things that should have been done the other week"
8. talk loud with... uh.. anyone!
9. fix my room
10. stay late and wake up late!
11.
12.

The possibilities are endless. Friday is heaven.

What happened today?--- Friday.

I guess I was a bit early for school today. Naaa, I was just in time. Just in time to cram when I saw my previous concept instructor inside my classroom. What the hell does this mean? It really means HELL! F*cking cow, she was houng to give our quiz right at that moment! and ofcourse ypur beautiful friend here did not study that well because she f*ucking thought the quiz will be ggiven in the afternoon. Adrenaline rush! Well, I was able to answer some questios right but on different numbers. I interchanged two items (3 f*cking points) each. It was a waste. Hey, stop crying over spilled milk! I have to umm... think of the good side of life? Hay, sometimes I want to resort to something stupid like I will drop school.. grrrr! But I guess I shuld not to think there area lot of kids out there wanting o be in my place. Ooooh... I guess I'm lucky after all. (Hehehehe.. atleast this will make me feel a bit ok. Pampa lubag lo-ob.. Awwwe!)
Had lunch from Junie's...take ut thogh because my ed(Olek) told me its better if we will have lunch in our office (yearbook). Of course this very obedient associate/friend followed her friend/ed. The foodcourrt still smells like just-came-out-of-the-microwave-foodof-yesterday. I really cannot describe the smell. I don't know actually how that "food court smell" evolved. I know for a fact every La Sallian loathe that smell. If sticks in your clothing like an expansive perfume and your friend will smell it and I am sure he will f*cking ask you "Halin ka food court ay?". It's restating the obvious.
In the offce I did some editions of the e-data. I was trying to get quick on it.
Haaaayy... I'm starting to bore you now (and myself too). *Yawn*

haha. It was weird seeing too many faces in school lately. I was used to the previous campus (the extension one) where evrybod knows everybody. Sort of.

After dismissal of my afternnon class, Fred asked me to go with her in the yb office. She asked me to arrnge the receipts of the subcribers in alphabetical order. There were 8 sections and about 45 kids on each. Man, I thought it was an aesy job. I was wrong. I spent about 30 minutes to 40 finishing the task. It was 5:30 when I suddenly heard screams from the top. (The yb office is on the basement of the bleachers of the coliseum... not really basement but a part of it is.)
I know it's the girlsa nd gays cheering for the DLSU archers. They had this exhibition game with our USLS Stingers.After our work Fred and I went to the coli. Wait, before that we lined ourselves infront of McDonald's cashier while battling with ourselves to have sundaea nd fries or not. Ummm, we won because we did not bought any food. :) We went to the coliseum. @nd quarter. Score was 11- 22 I guess. Poor us. During the secod ha;f break time I sawa bunch of college and high school girls a nd gays flock to Archer jersey #7. He wasa god probably. I know there were more than 15 camphones and digicams flashed before him He was giving this phony smile that made the girls, gays and men "kilig". Hehehe. Some took pictures of the other players too from the DLSU. That was it. We went out the coliseum and walked our way out to buy peanuts and took a jeep. That was practically my day.

Get into the craze.. MY CRAZE!!!

CRAZY
4
MYZZZ

That is a statement to watch for. LOL. Really loud. i made a concept of making myself a superstar. Oh well, every one is entititled to be one...err.. I guess. Ah basta, ewan. (oyyy, nag tatagalog na ako!) Eh ano ngayon?? Ampootah naman oh. I've been hearing tagalog rock songs for almost an hour now. Chixilog, that is! Tapos nang gumising ako kanina si Itay naman praise songs ung trip...syempre Sunday ngayon. Alam mo naman siya di ba? Parang lagi nya yun ginagawa tapos si Mikko nag text na kinanta raw kasunod ng kampana sa simbahan nila ang awit nila Regine at Martin... Forever ewan yata yung title.
Haha. aAno ba?? CRAZY 4 MYZZZ... juz get n2 d crazzze!!!

because I always try to...

Yesterday sucks. Actually even the night before yesterday sucks. Everything was out of my control. Nobody knew it but I had the worst temper and I just can't wait to go home so I could throw plates on a wall but it did not happened. Instead I lie down my bed and screamed "World, I hate you today!!!" I do not know why I had to scream but I did and oh, it made me a bit ok. Just a bit. Before going to bed I texted some of my friends goodnight and reminded them how hankful I am to have them around. I did it because my "unlitxt" will expire that following day and I just want to grab the chance to tell them goodnight and yada..yada...yada... I was trying to let myself feel ok by doing it. I was not expecting any reply but Mikko gave a reply. This is the text he sent me.

Gnyt frnd. Its nice 2
hav sam1 hud be able 2
buy a hamburger
wen u nid 1. And twice
pa.Gnyt!

I was not expecting it. I laughed to myself when I got it. Mikko made my day. He made me feel there's a sense in living this life. (to buy hamburgers?? LOL) I missed him! My sister told me once that Mikko is like a long lost twin that is now found.
Waaah. I'm getting sooo "babaw" you might think. But hey, if I won't I might be advancing my stage on the next level of losing my insanity. And this is because I always try to....

sigh. sigh

When u think I damn so-so like it, I fuckingly hate it!!! I don't tolerate any bad habits and I swear on that. Tolerate is a different thing from respect. example, if u r a friend of mine and u smoke (and if I do not) I hugely respect that but it does not mean I tolerate u. But that's ur life.

PLEEAASSE,if you r a person I know in flesh I want to tell u I highly DO NOT APPRECIATE EVERYTHING THAT U DO to me. I may agree with u because I just want to shut up d fucking stupidity that u have. I think I'm never vocal when I am mad. I just shut up. And yes, when I shut up I am mad.

DO NOT COME CLEAN. Again, a lesson I learned is that we should not judge other pipol so fast. WE ARE NOT THAT CLEAN. U know what I mean. U hav ur own little dirty secret don't u???

I so hate d world today and a lot of pipol but hell yeah, life s BEE-a-YOU-tee-FULL. There is always a reason to smile for me. :)

Mon and I txted kagina. She was telling me she missed me. I'm missing u too mon! a lot. I just feel bad that we have not seen each other for a while laready. But u know it's still me, never changed. I dropped a testimonial in her friendster yesterday night. Telling her how I meissed d old days we had together with our other ka-berks. LOL.

alpabeto-- d myzing's way

A - Age:twenteen
B - Band listening to right now: not a band actualy. its gwen stefani.
C- Career: a student nurse. a frustrated writer. musician (violinist)
D - Drink or smoke?: i will answer only th Drink... yes.
E - Easiest person/s to talk to: God, of course! family and Jennifer. Joyann. Jade. Olek.Helmond.
F - Favorite song/s at the moment:Hips don't lie
G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms:worms, sour ones.
H - Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend? thank u 4 asking that.
I - In love or broken-hearted? broken in love
J - Junk foods you like:>> pizza since my family is a fanatic of (xcpt mom). Mr. Chips. hehe.
K - kids:i don't have any. i wish to name one (son) as Gianluka.
L - Last item given to you for free: chocolate cake. tanx mund, dis is ur credit.
M - My favorite Sports:football, what else?
N - Number of dogs:lot. i love dogs. well.
O - One wish you have?:as of now? i wish i could decide for austin. like hell, he does not care.
P - Phobias:alone ina very dark place. growing old.
Q - Quotes:>>love quotes?not a sucker.
R - Reason to smile: because I am loved by God.
S - Singers you love: gwen stedfani. natalie imbruglia.
T- Time you woke up:>> almost 6 in d morning.
U - Unknown fact about you: i hate peeps that are so "matapobre"
V - Vegetable/fruit you hate: i hate bananas xcpt lakatan. atis, chico, garangan, guyabano.dont love lots of tropical fruits.
W - Worst habit:tactless.
X - X-rays you've had:chest
Y- Yummy food/s:chocolates and ice cream
Z - Zodiac sign>> taurus.

Last night I almost cried to sleep. Almost. I think I am experiencing either the SSS or I think the 20-year-old-crisis. It is hard to relate with it since only I understand what I mean. I am not going to spill all the details. I will live it as it is. My life is a garden of sunflowers after all!!! Ciao.

First day of Punk

Today was the last time I could ever smell the rainy scent of June welcoming me to a new school year. FYI, I am a struggling senior student nurse in this institution called USLS which stands for University of Saint La Salle. Do you know that up to this moment I still can't believe I am a Lasallian or a Lasallite? Not that I think high of being a "green" but it is actually I'd rather be a maroon, blue or anything else except green for that matter, but I learned to love it. Na develop na rin ako kay Saint John..hehe. I looked around my school as I was hurrying my way to my first class and I saw there were lots of students, freshmen mostly. I was used to our extension campus wherein almost everybody knows everybody because way back in my level 3 year only the cluster 1 (4 sections) of the level 3 people and cluster 2 (4 sections) of the level 4 are only there. Now that I am on my last year we were moved back to the main campus because of some reasons that the level 3 class for this school year are of 16 sections. Anyways, I still remember my "froshie" year. We were always going out with my classmates in a flock or in herd (whichever applies). We will go to the foodcourt, library, cafeteria, outside the campus and anywhere as long as we stick together. We would get excited on seeing previous classmates in the highschool aroud the campus and we would exchange our first day in school experiences. It was like yesterday, really! I never thought I could ever say that line so allow me to say it again. It was only like yesterday! Hell yea, allow me to say it for the third time... IT WAS ONLY LIKE YESTERDAY!!!! Ok, too much for that. I smiled around seeing these "froshies". I was once like them. Much carefree, too excited and such a kid! I remember that you know you've already grown up when you get to say this "Look at them! A bunch of idots!" You say this everytime you see "kids" partying hard or just making tambay in the campus. Now I could hear myself almost say that. HAHA. Still can't believe it!

I know I will miss my alma mater. It is stille arly to be touchy about it but time is running fast.. (to be continued)

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"You have to change with the times and leave the past where it should be."
LUCKY FORTUNE 10 17 22 30 35 42

Minutes ago I was opening the back case of my mobile phone so that I could change my sim from one network to another (you know what I mean). I saw this finger-long paper folded into three pieces used to tighten the back case of my phone so that I wouldn't be humiliated when I am texting in public because suddenly my phone will fall into three pieces.

Since the paper was a bit torn it took me a while to read the message on it. I also remember how I got that paper. I got it from a pseudo-fortune cookie in a local fastfood chain few months ago. I never had ponder on that quote so I think it's time and I would share it with you (don't you feel so lucky?)



How many of us can't move a step forward because we choose to cling with the past? We choose to become stagnant because of that choice that we cannot divorce ourselves from our past, specifically a bitter past. If not all, most of us had atleast a past we could qualify as a bitter one or anything close to it. I cannot enumerate everything that would qualify as a bitter past because it is too subjective. All I know (and what my foetune cookie says so) there is a moment in our life where we should leave the past where it should be and have to change with times. I know it would take ample time and a lot of courage especially when in your past you are deeply hurt that you feel like it is the end of the world. To think of it this world has no end. It is always you who choose to put an end to it. It is you who choose to gave up on your dreams and do nothing instead because of that past. I know that what we are now is because of how are past molded us. Here is a very story I want to share with you. I forgot how I got it but here it is.

A man I will name here as Tata Selo have two sons that I will name Juan and Pedro. Tata Selo has a lot of vices. He's a drunkard and a gambler, in short a good for nothing father. Anyways, Juan and Pedro managed to grow up. Today, Juan is a very loving and responsible father to his kids. On the other hand Pedro is a drunkard, gambler and often hits his wife and kids. At two different places Juan and Pedro were asked on how they turn out to be the man that they are today. The answer was "If you could have a father like mine, you would know the reason why I turned out to be this man that I am now." And this is the answers of both Juan and Pedro.

I will leave to you the significance of that story to what i am talking here. See, we always have a choice. We may not have the best choice at all times but I am sure there is always another chance that we would make us decide more intelligently, because we learned from the past. See, our past is very important. It is where our heart is. May it be a bitter past or a sweet past. I know it's hard to move out from a past. It's like a hang over or even worst. It affects our character, our being, our individuality. But since change is consatnt ih this world, we need to rise up and continue this journey of ours. There is no U-turns but you can always look back and do a sig and say, "(Fill in the blanks here.)"

Don't you think I sound so Chicken Soup For The Soul? Well, on my Lucky fortune, I just hope it won't go out be the results on the next draw. Aaarghhh.

A mOOd LiFteR...perhaps?

I do not fell the least ok right now. i need sometthing to lift my mood. Today, I was mostly quiet and busy doin nthing. Ok, not really "nothing". I'm still on my way to finish the "Stainless Longganisa" by Bob Ong. I had two bowls of Lomi (the easy cook variety). As of this moment I am still fighting the urge to have coffee. I feel like I'm febrile. I feel so sick. OMG... what is this?
Ok, here is something that I hope would perk me up.... nah... on the second thought why won't i buy an ice cream. yum.yum. I so heart, heart ice cream! and chocolates. Ok I will be back soon and I will post some pics of my icecream... I am so excited now. Weeh.

A Piece of Drama before I say *nytnyt..slepptyt*

I can feel noodle strands ascending my esophagus. I think I am going to have a sore throat from all the yells I had before dinner. I didn't had shower tonight and I couldn't even lift a finger..or maybe. I feel insanely weird. I can smell spam and eggs in this ungodly hour of the day (why?). My lips are dry and I am having a hint that I am lacking water in my system. I suddenly don't feel that I am not the funny person I used to be. I think I will never ever laugh again.. Never. As you can see in my previous post I have said that I want to fall into pieces. Righ now I want to curl into a ball and then the grounds will break and swallow me after. My existence will be obselete. I will be forgotten, as if I never walked into earth. Arrrgghh... I do not want to be a manic depressive. I do not (yet) want to lose my sanity. I don not want to be in a mental rehab center. I do not want you to use this as a proof that I once possess signs and symptoms of a will-be-insane-person.


I hate drama in my life. I hate the bitternes of my life. I hate it's cruelty that I wan to get even. Right now I have a throbbing headache. I can't sleep (as always). I think I already had fall into pieces that now it's time to pick up this pieces that of me..

1. My Mind-- it's still ok, I guess
2. My heart-- severely damaged... I need a cardiologist
3. My spine-- OMG, I can still feel.. i still can!
4. My feet-- I can't walk a mile longer knowing at th end of the road it is still me
5. My hands-- What use can they give me now? But hey,they are still mine
6. ... I don't know, I lost a lot of of pieces of me... Help me search for them. THANK YOU.


*I still have this throbbing headache, my contact lens are all dried up.. I have no choice but to sleep or to sleep. *
Well, nyt nyt...sleep tyt...

the poor writer is me..

To write. That is one thing I think of when I am inside the bus and just cannot sleep, when I am in fastffod chain waiting in line, when I'm bored with my teacher's lecture,before I fall ino deep slumber and when... I always wanted to write. I wanted to write but I have a lot of frustrations.

...BeCausE...

I feel like I want to fall into pieces right now. I want to pick each piece of me and put them together once again. I just wabted to because I need to kill time. I don't want to think about the oppurtunities I missed because I was so damn busy doing nothing. Yes, I am always busy doing nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I don't know if I made a mess out of doing nothing. Maybe I did, it's just I am still in denial. Not that I am boasting but I know I am made of something else special (well, everyone is) but I was too preoccupied with the thought of being too special that I forgot that I could be worn out anytime soon. I could be a scrap. I am a scrap.
I don't know how to put this into details that you may have the slightest idea of how I feel so weird right now. I do not need sympathy. I need ears. I just want you to know that I had let oppurtunities passed by. I closed doors to their knocks. i became deaf to their calls. Now that I want them back, it seems like I'm chasing the wind. Is it too late? Will you tell me it is not yet too late? Will you?
D.R.E.A.M.S.???
I got a handful of them. You see I sleep a lot that I have a handful of them already. There were even a lot of moments that there was no wall that separates me from my dreams to the reality. It is not because that my reality is a living dream but because my dreams became too stagnant that it became my reality. My dreams did not move. They just became dreams. Dreams because once I open up my eyes I know that I already don't have them. My dreams cannot be put intoreality because I choose to and I do regret. yes, I regret that is why I want to fall into pieces. Right Now. NOW!!!

Iced Tea with an Orange Twist!

Before summer 2006 ends let me share to you this mixed drink that would truly quench your thirst. Since I am a big fan of iced tea and o.j., I had this idea of combining them. Here is what you will need ---> 1 litro pack of iced tea, 1 litro pack of o.j. ( you can use the half of it) and maybe 2 piece of kalamansi. All you got to do is mixed them with a litre and a half of water. shake.shake.shake. And now it's ready to drink! Best served when chilled. By the way you can have strawberry juice mix instead of o.j. It's a yum yum too.

What I do not like about a beach is when it is too sandy. (photo taken at Lapus-Lapus Island, Guimaras)

PAUNANG SALITA? FOREWORD

I've been addicted to blog hopping lately and not to mention that I've benn constantly updating my blog in friendster.com. I decided to make a another one than that of my friendster's. I wanted it to be purely "blog". I actualy made one already but that was months ago and it was unmaintined and so here I am...
I don't expect my blog to be frequently visited. Having few friends visit it once in a while is ok. Having pour out what I feel for the day, flaunt pictures and share some iformation and trivias through my blog is more than ok already.
Watch out for my blog, you lucky one! I will constanly update this with...hmmm... let us just see.
I mostly get inspirations from the blogs I get to visit, mostly are funny so maybe expect this one to be funny or maybe not! aaargh! Let us just see.